Having Perspective

One of the reasons I started this blog was the desire to contribute a positive voice to society. Our culture has become increasingly negative in recent years- we see it in the news, in entertainment, and especially on social media. We are exposed to negative comments and images on a daily basis and are continually faced with pressure to focus on things that will lead us away from God. There also seems to be a general apathy towards Catholicism and the teachings of our faith. My faith has played a major role in shaping who I am today and it is the central focus of our family life. In creating this blog, my hope was to provide a positive, uplifting, God focused message while sharing experiences from my own life of being a father of strong Catholic faith.

We all have a unique perspective on life formed by our experiences. My perspective is not any better than others but it has given me a certain approach to life that I felt called to share. It was formed over time and influenced heavily by three significant events that occurred at different stages of my life: the loss of my mom at the age of ten, my wife’s battle with Multiple Sclerosis and the birth of our first child. These experiences strengthened my faith, brought me closer to God and gave me the perspective to be able to look past the superficial aspects of life and focus and what is truly important.

Nothing can prepare us for the loss of a parent. Even when sickness is involved and we know that death is a possibility, the loss of a parent is an awful experience. It is especially difficult when we are faced with this loss during childhood. When we are young, we have a basic understanding of life and death and by the age of ten, we have likely known someone in our lives who has died. The loss of a parent however, especially your mom, is devastating. No offense to dads, but moms are the central figures in our lives and in the lives of our children. They are the glue that holds the family together. When we are hurt, sad or sick, mom is the person that we seek out for comfort. When we are happy or have good news to share, mom is the person we want to tell first. When that central figure is removed from our lives as we are still navigating the route from childhood to adulthood, to say it is a life changing experience would be an understatement. At a very crucial time in my life, I had lost the person that my world revolved around and somehow had to pick up the pieces and figure out a way to move on. I cannot lie and say that this did not test my faith, it certainly did, but ultimately it was my faith and the power of prayer that got me through the tough times. Realizing at a young age that none of us are promised a tomorrow and that at any moment the people that I care about the most, even my mom, could be taken away made me appreciate every day that I get to spend with my family.

We were a few years into our marriage and preparing to start a family when my wife began experiencing some weird symptoms. Several doctors’ visits and medical tests over the next year eventually led to the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. This disease effects everyone differently and symptoms range in severity. Pain and fatigue are the main daily effects for my wife but they can, and do, worsen from day to day. The scariest part is that it can also become debilitating over time. She has experienced debilitating symptoms over the years that thankfully did improve, but seeing her experience severe pain on a daily basis and knowing that she could eventually lose the ability to walk, see or perform basic daily activities, makes me look at life differently. In preparing for a trip to Orlando with the kids a few years ago, we had a discussion revolving around the lack of time and money to go on the trip and if we should postpone. It was a sobering conversation, which led my wife to say, “We probably don’t want to think about this, but it’s possible that I physically won’t be able to to take this trip in a few years so I think we should go.” This is not a conversation that many people have at our age, but it is the reality that we live with every day. My wife and I often talk about the stress that we encounter in parenting and in life in general, but after the initial reactions of frustration and anxiety have passed, we are immediately grounded when thinking about all that she has to manage on a daily basis. This is motivation for us to live in the moment, enjoy each day to the fullest and focus all of our attention on our family.

These two experiences tested my faith in a profound way but the fact that we were able to eventually start a family and be blessed with four beautiful children, considering all that my wife had been through with her health, was proof of God’s love and grace in our lives. After enduring years of pain and thinking that our dreams for a large family may never happen, we had received the ultimate gift from God. It is difficult to explain the love that a parent has for a child and that love changes your perspective and priorities. When my daughter was born, the things that I thought were important suddenly did not seem to matter anymore. I had new responsibilities and a new vocation, fatherhood. We all want to be the best possible version of ourselves and live according to the teachings of Christ. This was especially true when I became a parent but what I did not realize at the time was that through our daily interactions, my kids would help me along that path.  Often when I am teaching or disciplining my children, it is not only a learning experience for them but also for me. In these instances, my own faults become magnified and serve as reminders for me on how I should be living. Being a parent has helped me to grow as a person and have a clearer understanding of God’s plan for my life. It has allowed me to see the full depth of God’s love, and helped me to realize that I was focusing my attention on things that really did not matter in the end.

When something bad happens, a common thing for people to say is that we need to put things into perspective. What does that really mean? It can mean different things to different people. To me it means thanking God every day for my family and for all the blessings in my life. It means focusing on the important things and not worrying about the rest. It means realizing God’s love for us and appreciating the gifts that we receive when we participate fully in that love. It means enjoying the small things in life and cherishing every day that I get to spend with family. Most importantly, it means trusting in God’s plan and living as He has called us to do – to love and serve one another. Life can be difficult and stressful at times but we need to remember that God will provide, he always does, we just need to have faith and a little perspective.